Dear Jane…

28 November 2007

I received what was essentially a “Dear Jane” email yesterday from nearly-an-SO. Things move swiftly and it’s over. Over over. No more looking back. No more wondering. No more standing in a limbo. No more second-guessing what every action may mean.

He couldn’t offer me more as I’d like things to be, and that’s it.

We’re back to being friends. It sucks, it hurts, but I could barely cry. I had had this gut feeling sending an alarm bell over the weekend for some uncomprehensible reason but I brushed it off. Now, dealing with the aftermath, I am more numb and shock, and sad too of course. But there really is no one to blame. He never made any promises.

The logical side of me kicked in, rationalising just about everything I could. The same reasons that I used 6 months ago when we first tried to straighten things out, but also the same reasons that I neglected when we re-entangled our lives once again last month. You’d think I would have learned to protect myself better, but once again I threw caution to the wind and chose to live dangerously. Toeing the line between friendship and love.

Once bitten twice shy. I don’t think there will be a third time lucky between us. I don’t even dare trust myself to know what is good for me, relationship-wise, anymore.

For now, thesis comes first. Everything else, I’m afraid will go to the back burner. I must not dwell nor linger nor analyse anymore. I love him but I cannot make him feel any differently from how he’s feeling right now. If he can’t see it while everyone else can, then it’s pointless. Hopefully over time, it’ll blunt the pain and all will be well again. Friendship restored and all.

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3 Responses to “Dear Jane…”

  1. med said

    so that’s what the poem was about *hugz*

  2. San said

    Hey, don’t dwell too much on it now (I know easier said than done). But you have your thesis to keep you occupied.

    Love shouldn’t be that difficult, confusing and complicated. Life is too short for that.

  3. alexalynn said

    thanks guys, i’m totally recovered now. i think…

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