16 November 2007

I am turning more and more insecure as the days go.

Workwise, I am doubting myself once again if I am good enough to do what I’m hoping to do. To convert my projects into good publishable materials. To produce a thesis that’s worth every single word on its pages. Things, while coming along, feel like they’re still moving at a snail’s pace. With Christmas coming along i.e. general period of unproductiveness, I fear I am not going to be able to meet my work targets as planned.

Relationship wise, it’s perhap even worse but I’m just blocking things out in general for now. Nearly-an-SO, well, I don’t know if he does care for me or not. One moment we were spending a couple of hours on Skype and reluctant to end the conversation (he even told me he’s getting me a webcam so he can see me while Skyping). The next no news from him (not even an email) for a good few days. Understandably he could be busy the way I do. What made me sad, I guess, was the seeming lack of concern when I wrote in my last email that I’ve not been feeling well for a couple of day now. I am better now though, after taking in paracetamol. But does he care?

Friendship wise, thank goodness things are moving along nicely and I’m once again finding time to spend with my friends. Given things being hectic I haven’t been able to go out for a movie or a dinner with them for a good couple of weeks. We’re going for a movie this evening, an opera next week, and a choir performance the following week.

Financial wise, disaster. Total and utter disaster. Christmas is just round the corner, but I fear I may not be able to get the presents that I’d like to get for my loved ones. Will something home made or baked or hand made be good enough? See, another source of insecurities. Am I good enough to deserve these love that have been showered upon me?


2 Responses to “Insecurities”

  1. Chloé said

    hand/home made/baked is always a treat for those who love you!
    it is more than good enough, it’s awesome 😉

  2. alexalynn said

    Thanks Chloe for the boast of confidence 🙂

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