If I Didn’t Know Better

9 October 2007

The moment that you looked into my soul,
Blazing brown eyes that spoke volumes,
Captured my attention, I could not turn away,
And I know, at that very instant,
I was lost in your seductive gaze.

You read my mind, you knew me well,
The chocolate kisses that we shared,
And hugs and loving too, sweet sweet touches,
But as moment went, you still held back,
You warned me not to fall in love.

If I didn’t know better, I would grieved less,
However I foresaw the writing that was on the wall,
The bond between us was far from ordinary,
Yet we couldn’t pinpoint where we stood exactly,
Just that you didn’t think it was love.

Unwilling to play the broken hearted,
Nonchalantly I agreed with your verdict,
Inside my world crumbled into pieces,
But I refused to let you see my weakness,
That the lights in my eyes were dimming.

A tight rein that I held over my emotion,
All I could do next was to block all memories,
We worked on rebuilding our friendship anew,
Returning to our easy banters and closeness,
But it was never quite the same again.

If I didn’t know better, I would have gone,
Distancing myself in self protection,
But I do know, I still want you in my life,
Thus upclose you will see me as you wanted to,
From afar, I will still be loving you.


I found this in my writing pad over the weekend. It was written several months ago, not quite coherent at times but then again, when one is running on the flow of emotional bursts, trying to be cool, calm and collected can be quite a tall order.

During this particular period of my life, things did crumble a little in my world. OK, a lot. For a while, I was so lost that I could not concentrate on what I was supposed to do. My work performance went down the drain – something I could not afford a repeat under any circumstances right now! The one thing that I was good at this point was to remain outwardly cheerful in everyone’s eyes.

I wouldn’t know what to do had I not have amazing friends around me. Some knew what I was going through, others helped me unknowingly just through their sheer confidence in me, spurring me on. I even went away for a little while, to gather my acts together and to refocus my attention on to what’s important and should be my priority.


2 Responses to “If I Didn’t Know Better”

  1. med said

    hey hey…everyone goes through such a phase from time to time..most important is to get out of it…right? 😉 *hugz*

  2. Alexalynn said

    Yup! And we live through it, we’re stronger because of it (or despite of it) 🙂

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