27 and no PhD *sob*

Finally I could put the tens of thousands of digital images sitting in my laptop to good use, all thanks to a friend who introduced me to a photo mosaic software.

I have just started looking at the sample and tutorial, and it seems like a reasonable software to use. But I don’t quite have time to play around with the software itself yet but it’s definitely on the top of my list to check out this weekend, when I have a little down time to myself. Or maybe not. I have so much things planned already.

Going out this evening for BM’s farewell party *sob*. Need to catch up on a couple of journal readings. Catch Heroes Season 2 (yes, I finally finished watching Season 1). Read Harry Potter - in French (a friend has very generously surprised me with the first three tomes). Lunch with my aunts and uncles. Playing squash with my housemates. Gosh that’s a lot planned for the weekend!

In any case, should this photo mosaic software works out well, perhaps then I could make a few Christmas gift with this. Could be very cool, and I think it’ll be something that a few friends would like too.

Have a fabulous weekend ahead.

Day 2 post-incident and I am holding up surprisingly well. Everything back to nearly normal as far as everyone could tell, bar from a couple of close friends who constantly check on me that I’m alright. I am. Truly. You could even talk to me about your relationship and I won’t burst into tears or anything of that sort.

I’ve been kept busy with my journal club presentation too at the same time. I have picked a great genetics reviews article, of which even my boss thought was a good selection of reading material. Moreover, it’s very much relevant to much of the work that I’ve been doing, so no harm in sharing this with the rest of the members of the lab either.

The downside is I really must gather as much information as I could but present them as concisely as possible to everyone, and I also have to prepare a short presentation for this to discuss the various points. On the upside, I’m practicing presentation skill. Plus, it’s really very informal so we do get to throw about an idea or two along the way.

Oh, another thing that’s keeping me busy and my mind occupied - Scrabulous! I think I am improving (I sure hope so) but I nearly was crippled in one particular game by my friend Ath who very smoothly slammed me with two consecutive bingos! Eeek!

I received what was essentially a “Dear Jane” email yesterday from nearly-an-SO. Things move swiftly and it’s over. Over over. No more looking back. No more wondering. No more standing in a limbo. No more second-guessing what every action may mean.

He couldn’t offer me more as I’d like things to be, and that’s it.

We’re back to being friends. It sucks, it hurts, but I could barely cry. I had had this gut feeling sending an alarm bell over the weekend for some uncomprehensible reason but I brushed it off. Now, dealing with the aftermath, I am more numb and shock, and sad too of course. But there really is no one to blame. He never made any promises.

The logical side of me kicked in, rationalising just about everything I could. The same reasons that I used 6 months ago when we first tried to straighten things out, but also the same reasons that I neglected when we re-entangled our lives once again last month. You’d think I would have learned to protect myself better, but once again I threw caution to the wind and chose to live dangerously. Toeing the line between friendship and love.

Once bitten twice shy. I don’t think there will be a third time lucky between us. I don’t even dare trust myself to know what is good for me, relationship-wise, anymore.

For now, thesis comes first. Everything else, I’m afraid will go to the back burner. I must not dwell nor linger nor analyse anymore. I love him but I cannot make him feel any differently from how he’s feeling right now. If he can’t see it while everyone else can, then it’s pointless. Hopefully over time, it’ll blunt the pain and all will be well again. Friendship restored and all.